Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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