she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
