at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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