"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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