Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
