Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
