Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Everyone says I win the strip club
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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