never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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