Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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