There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
