I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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