Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I could make wine with my vomit
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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