Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize