Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
