Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
