google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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