You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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