His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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