My liver just broke up with me...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
