i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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