i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Terrible idea I love it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
