I am spending my child support on dildos
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
