Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
