pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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