i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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