Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
