I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
