just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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