i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
