In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I got inside last night via doggy door
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
