The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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