I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
