i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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