Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
