And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
