just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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