I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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