YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
