Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
