It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
should my penis look like a turkey
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
