oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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