she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
