You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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