Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
