Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
