we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
