WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
