I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
