i permit you to call me
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
