It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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