In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
