im holly from the hills drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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