Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Text me some of your sweat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
