Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
