Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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