i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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