I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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