holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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