Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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