For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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