We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
