I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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