so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
