She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
