it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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