Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
