I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize